So I love instagram and it really is my real life but maybe, ya know, just like the filtered version sometimes. Here's the unfiltered. I think I need to add #momlife to most of them bc as I was looking for photos to use for this I realized it's just not the same when u have a kid (or kids). I also realized there aren't as many staged/fake pics as I thought there would be. Which is a good thing, right? This may also be bc kids don't give you enough time to think about and/or execute those kinda pics. ;)
1. The look at my cool jewelry post
What I'm going for: Oh hey I just looked down and thought you all would like to see my awesome bracelet arrangement that probably changes on a daily basis bc I have so many bracelets and I'm super cool like that. Like surfer girl cool. Oh and that navy one? I made that. I make bracelets didn't you know? Nbd I have many different hobbies. I have an adorable child too. Look how cute and happy he is.
What really happened: That adorable child is NOT happy. He's pulling and screaming at my legs and for a millisecond got distracted by something on tv so I took this picture. Thank you tv. I basically just started wearing bracelets. Did I mention I make and sell bracelets now? Well I make them anyways. And I plan to make millions of dollars selling them. MILLIONS. BC I AM DETERMINED. Now WHO WANTS ONE!???! ... Anyone?... Hello?
2 weeks later I stop making bracelets and taking pictures like this.
These are my favorite kinds of posts btw
What I'm going for: I'm not wearing makeup. Not bc I don't have time to put makeup on (bc I obviously have everything so together and organized that I have plenty of time to put makeup on should I so choose to) no no no it's bc I don't need it!! See!?! I'm just super happy and rested and tan and glowy and oh look at that my son is happily eating dinner (that I made bc I cook) and drinking his bottle and life is just BLISS. MOM LIFE ROCKS.
What really happened: Filter happened. That small glimmer of light in my eye was a small gift from God bc he certainly knows I did not look like that on that given evening. Sigh. My son's blurred out bc he probably has ketchup all over his hands and face bc that's what goes on almost everything he eats. Ketchup. Not even organic ketchup. I am a failure. I'm tired. You wanna see another pic I took in this same little photoshoot?
OH DEAR GOD
3. The my kid is cuter/cooler than any other kid ever post
What I'm going for: A baby in a hooded onesie and a puffy vest?! Staahhpp I can't take it. He's the coolest kid ever! He's already standing and walking around?! Wow! Look at that face! He's all "Yo mom can u chill with the pics for a minute" It looks like he's literally about to start talking. Cutest thing EVER!
What really happened: He's literally pooping right now. That's his poop face.
What I'm going for: I am such a hippie y'all. Like not the "doesn't shower, doesn't wear shoes, does drugs, free love" kinda hippie. No. The other kinda of hippie. The kind of hippie that's also kind of like a gypsy but not in the "has no home moves around a lot and steals" kind of way. This is getting confusing. I'm like a one love flower child free bird hippie/gypsy. That wears flowers in her hair and dances in fields (orrrr my kitchen) without a care in the world because I'm just so happy and stress-free. Peace and love y'all. Peace and LOVE.
What really happened: I believe it was a date night. That explains the makeup. I had just bought a new flower headband, as you can see. I'm thinking: "What a waste of $12. Where the fuck am I gonna wear this headband?" WAIT! IT'S SUNDAY! OMG PERFECT! #SELFIESUNDAY. Now get this thing off me it itches like crazy. Haven't worn it since.
5. The I make all my own baby food and my baby loves it post
What I'm going for: Oh you feed your baby processed foods? Yikes, you poor thing. Here let me help you I have recipes. Recipes that are easy for mom and BABY APPROVED. Seriously look at my kid. He's eating cauliflower and DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT. It's so good I'm like a wiz in the kitchen. My kid is so lucky he's got me to look after his dietary needs.
What really happened: Two spoons? Why does he need two spoons? Oh bc that way he can fling it all over the walls twice as fast. I think he tried a bite. I also think he was probably already full from the french fries and pizza he ate. The evidence is right there on the tray. French fries. And. Pizza. Motherhood SHAME. Guess who ate the cauliflower mashed potatoes (or what was left of them)... ME. They actually were really good but that's not the point. WHY WONT MY KID EAT VEGETABLES
What I'm going for: My new bikini just arrived in the mail and I seriously cannot WAIT to wear it and show you guys. So much so in fact that I am going to put it on RIGHT NOW and casually snap a pic in my closet mirror, mirror image that shit, and post it. BAM. Is it summer yet? Ps omg isn't my hair getting LONG I'm like a mermaid over here. Mermaids swim year round you know. And they probably have abs. Oh hey kinda like me LOL #mermaidlife. Just look at my mermaid tan! I'll just quietly hashtag #abs and #fitmom but really this isn't a post about my body and how much I've been working out it's all about the bikini... duh.
What really happened: I got a new bikini in the mail, yes. I actually got 3 bikinis in the mail so you can imagine how many pics are on my phone of me posing in different bikinis. The answer is 13 which I know is a little disappointing. This number would be way higher if I didn't have an impatient child to watch over and entertain. Then I texted almost ALL OF THEM to a friend whom I trust and will remain nameless. "Should I post this? Idk..." aka send me confidence and complements via text message bc I need some sorta confirmation. "Omg MILF" Ok I feel better. She suggest mirror imaging it. Brilliant! She suggests using this other photo I sent her. Um no way cuz #abs. My hair is extensions. There is a huge crease in it right above the cropping line from my ponytail. Thank God for filters bc I am pale as a ghost. If you could see my eyes it looks like I haven't slept in days. #momlife
7. The adorable sleeping baby post
What I'm going for: Look at my perfect sleeping angel baby. God I love him.
What really happened: Look at my perfect sleeping angel baby. God I love him. SHHH DONT WAKE HIM UP HE'S A MONSTER ;)
